‘One of Wales’s most exciting contemporary writers: one whose memoir-in-essays means having the guts to say this matters, and which lays (almost) everything bare.’ - Kathryn Tann

In this collection of 10 essays, Crystal Jeans reckons with her drug addiction, mental health issues, gender and sexuality as well as sexual abuse and trauma. Confessional, messy, and resistant to easy conclusions, the author questions received wisdom on a variety of taboos. Queer parenthood, care work, loss and grief all come up, and are examined in a writing style that is surgical in its precision and mercilessness. She asks what is inevitable, and where do we have agency, when class, genetics and trauma seem to set so many people’s lives on seemingly inescapable paths – by the age of seven, according to one of Crystal’s therapists. In ‘Hugs Not Drugs’, the opening essay she examines her own relationship with drug use, and to what degree she is, or has been, or has believed herself to be in control. ‘Some will call this self-indulgence’ is about her uneasy relationship with the word ‘trauma’ - both how it relates to her, and how we challenge our own preconceptions and changing attitudes. ‘What’s with all the dead mums’ responds to the death of her mother. Each essay brings a brutal self-awareness, sharp prose and a dark sense of humour to challenging and relevant topics.